Burnt toast.
Runny eggs.
Spilled coffee.
I’m not good at good mornings.
I skip breakfast as much as I skip foreplay.
Hence, why nothing good happens after 2am.
I get straight into what type of birth control you use. Or if I’m circumcised.
To which I’d say, “No, my tunnel’s not Jewish.”
And you’d either laugh or not get it.
Either way is a better start to the day than silence.
Welcome to the Bad Mornings Club.
We’re located at the “family planning” aisle of your local CVS.
The dress-code is pajamas, crocs, and regret.